Today is our first official prenatal appointment at 8 weeks 6 days. Just 8 days ago I went to the doctor to discuss going on fertility drugs. I was frustrated because after five months of trying we were still not pregnant and on top of that my periods were still irregular and I was having horrendous endless PMS. I've had irregular cycles since puberty so 2,3 and rarely 5 months without a period was no big deal. I had been getting acupuncture and taking Chinese herbs to regulate my cycles and prepare to have a baby for a year already. Mr. Bumble thinks I was jumping the gun but given my history and how long I had been waiting and planning to become a mother, I felt ready to get medical intervention. My NP had already discovered high prolactin so I had taken bromocriptine and cabergoline to bring it down. I discussed this history with my Dr. and listened to how I would have to take Provera to induce my period and then Clomid on specific days of my cycle all while going to the Dr. 2-3 times a month and getting sonograms and blood work. It sounded like a huge pain, but I was willing if it meant I would get pregnant right away. All I had to do was take a urine test to make sure I wasn't already pregnant before I took the drug to start my "week".
I sat in the waiting room for a scant 4 minutes before the nurse came out and said I could go. I was making a beeline for the lab down the hall to do my blood work when she rushed out of the office door and told me she wanted to "look at it under some light." Sitting there gazing at the Fit Pregnancy, Parenting and Women's Day magazines I wondered how long it would be until I was finally pregnant and dreading that the clomid might not work and we would have to do in-vitro. After what seemed like forever the nurse called me back with a huge beaming smile and my Dr. told me that I was indeed PREGNANT! She "verified" it herself which I found funny because I'm sure the nurse has read way more tests than she has. I was so in shock because I had had a urine test, a blood test and a vaginal ultrasound 8 weeks ago when I was convinced I was pregnant, and it all came out negative. Since then I was so bummed about it not happening and did not feel like trying at all because of horrific PMS symptoms. I had awful bloating and my tits were sore all the time. Just a look from Mr.B and I would cross my arms gently over my chest and screech at him because he even thought about touching them. Needless to say we didn't get it on all that much since the negative tests so I really never thought I could be pregnant. It turns out it was just too early to tell.
Still incredulous and not allowing myself to catapult into joy and excitement I lay on the table for my first ultrasound. I didn't think I would see anything, in fact I was sure that cocooned in my skepticism I would be told that they were wrong and I wasn't really pregnant. I was confident that my refusal to believe in it would keep me safe from this disappointment. And then I saw the heartbeat, on the screen fluttering in black and white. The most beautiful blob I had ever seen. It actually looked pleased with itself: flipping and turning as if to say "See, I am real la la la lala!" A tear slid down my cheek and I was AMAZED!
Afterwards the Dr. cautioned that because I had a contrast MRI the week before to rule out a tumor as the cause of my high prolactin that my baby (eeep!) had been exposed to gadolinium. The technician should have given me a pregnancy test but I had told him that there was no way I was. I felt awful because I should have taken one as a precaution or been more in tune with my body. It seems a common theme in my short experience and from other pregs I've talked to that the worrying, whether there is cause or not, doesn't stop. From what I've read the risks of gadolinium exposure are kidney malformation or non-formation and miscarriage after exposure between 7-14 weeks. I was just under 7 weeks according to the Dr.'s estimation, but since gadolinium can cross the placenta I'm not breathing easy yet. She said that the heartbeat and survival one week post exposure were all good signs. Now at the end of my 8th week with waves of morning sickness and near constant fatigue I'm choosing to believe that this little bean is strong and really wants to meet us. We're waiting until 12 weeks to announce to everyone but we have told our parents and some close friends. It will be just around Halloween, my favorite holiday and I've already brainstormed a few cute ways to go public. Until then I'll be riding the waves, feeling alternately joyful and totally gross but thankful all the same.
Afterwards the Dr. cautioned that because I had a contrast MRI the week before to rule out a tumor as the cause of my high prolactin that my baby (eeep!) had been exposed to gadolinium. The technician should have given me a pregnancy test but I had told him that there was no way I was. I felt awful because I should have taken one as a precaution or been more in tune with my body. It seems a common theme in my short experience and from other pregs I've talked to that the worrying, whether there is cause or not, doesn't stop. From what I've read the risks of gadolinium exposure are kidney malformation or non-formation and miscarriage after exposure between 7-14 weeks. I was just under 7 weeks according to the Dr.'s estimation, but since gadolinium can cross the placenta I'm not breathing easy yet. She said that the heartbeat and survival one week post exposure were all good signs. Now at the end of my 8th week with waves of morning sickness and near constant fatigue I'm choosing to believe that this little bean is strong and really wants to meet us. We're waiting until 12 weeks to announce to everyone but we have told our parents and some close friends. It will be just around Halloween, my favorite holiday and I've already brainstormed a few cute ways to go public. Until then I'll be riding the waves, feeling alternately joyful and totally gross but thankful all the same.
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